Random Crap, OF DOOOM!!

2007-02-22T00:25:00.000-08:00

Hi blog. I don't hate you and I've been wanting to update, but whenever I think of something blog-worthy, it slips out of consciousness before I can type it up.My goal for the next 7 months is to spend 3 of them in the mountains of philmont NM, growing a massive beard and a a stench that will force the UN to send me a strongly worded letter threatening sanctions unless I cease all stench

2006-11-02T20:25:00.000-08:00

In other news, I've been watching a lot of Battlestar Galactica, METALOCALYPSE, and The A-team on DVD. All of which are freaking awesome. If you do not agree with me, you should be murdered with a rusty nailclipper.In an interesting bit of coincidence, the Brother Cylons are palyed by the same dude who was a crooked cop in the A-team, Mr. Dean Stockwell. He's an ass in both of them, I'm afraid

2006-11-02T20:04:00.000-08:00

Sooo, while I'm waiting to get into grad school, I'm temping as customer service for a company. I'm real iffy on talking about work, seeing as how being a dick on the interweb can get you fired, but some stuff is just too awesome to let pass by.Last week, one of the e-mails we answered recieved an autoresponse which read along the lines of:"I'm sorry, but I'm going in for my annual shock therapy,

2006-10-22T19:06:00.000-07:00

I swear, everytime I come up with something to write, it goes away before I can actually reach a keyboard. Arg.Have any of Y'all seen the Re- Animator or one of it's sequels? They're crappy horror flicks, except really good ones. They're loosely based on a Lovecraft story I've never read, but probably not too closely since 'ol H.P. was never much of a joker. What they are is creepy, funny horror

2006-07-07T20:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I was faced with a conundrum, a conundrum of EARTH SHATTERING PROPORTIONS!I wanted to watch a movie. But, like, I'm going to ozzfest tomorrow, and I have to get in the mood. So it can't be a good movie, it has to be something stupid and violent with preferably demonic themes. Luckily, blockbuster had my back. Blockbuster is my homey like that.So it boiled down to Nightwatch or Underworld:

2006-06-11T11:25:00.000-07:00

Cats are SO much better than dogs.

2006-06-01T09:41:00.000-07:00

I was just cracking my neck just now, and I felt it in the palm of my hand.Yay for nerve damage!

2006-05-15T22:37:00.000-07:00

My lower lip has been vibrating all day since 10 am. I guess that puree of the US flag through an IV wasn't enough to get rid of all the hantavirus, perhaps I'll have to use stronger measures. Maybe I'll need a full blood replacement. Luckily, I keep a jar of Benjamin Franklin's blood under my bed in case of just such an emergency. I told you I was hardcore.

2006-05-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

So I was hoping I'd get the new Wallace and Gromit movie in the mail while Gabby was here. Sadly, Blockbuster took too long. That's okay, I wanted to see the special features anyhow. By the way: If you don't love Wallace and Gromit, I humbly submit that your soul is little more than a whithered husk.Anyway, fun fact!Wallace and Gromit single-handedly revived the Wendsleydale cheese factory. It

2006-05-07T11:36:00.000-07:00

Three things:Uno: The new TOOL album has the best liner art EVAR. I am serious, EVAR. I've bought worse art books for more than the CD costs. Find it on sale, it's worth it for the art alone. Hell, throw away the CD if you're that tasteless, just look at the booklet! Deux: It's come to my attention that a good friend has NEVER EATEN A BURRITO IN THEIR ENTIRE LIFE! They find the entire concept of

2006-05-02T22:58:00.000-07:00

So I've been growing this one toenail for like a month now. I finally lost patience with it and clipped it today. It smells... cheesy.It's larger than the moon currently.I think I could pick locks with it, or at least shank a dude's neck.Maybe if I let one grow for 2 months I could use it as a boomerang. Toenails are wondrous things, afterall.

2006-04-25T20:46:00.000-07:00

So, my co-worker Crystal hasn't shown up the last 2 days of work.CRAP.Let me explain a little about my job. I started off as the filing-lackey. There were 5 people between the front desk and business staff. Half of them were ladies that were both attractivem, intelligent AND had great senses of humor. That's pretty damn rare in a work place, so depite the fact that the job fucking blew and they

2006-04-14T16:17:00.000-07:00

The dangly bit of my left earlode has been vibrating all day.Seriously, vibrating. I figure it's one of two things:1) CANCER2) One of the people in my "crazy hippy media" class shot me in the ear with a poison dart while I was ignoring the teacher, and I now have the hantavirus coursing through my veins. Commie hantavirus, which is even worse.I'll tell you which it is once I figure it out.

2006-04-13T21:56:00.000-07:00

So, how's everybody doing?Today, I had a day. It wasn't just a day, it was a day where SHIT WENT DOWN!Mostly, I worked. It's like a 7 hour shift today, which isn't that bad I guess except my job BLOWS. Otherwise, it was a decent day, people weren't bothering me with dumb questions too much thanks to my "SURLY" t-shirt and the pair of pants I had were overly baggy (so baggy, in fact, that I rarely

2006-02-28T19:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes TV is actually worth watching.

2006-02-13T21:17:00.000-08:00

Because I wish I made cards that awesome.Yeah, I wanna keep posting. But I say to myself at the end of the day, I say "Travis, what did you do today that was AWESOME?"And usually my response is something like "Well, I picked my nose in 323 and hit it on the bottom of my seat without getting caught!"So I dunno, consider the last, uh, 18 months "technical difficulties." My only solace is that

2006-01-13T21:48:00.000-08:00

I have the bird flu.I met her at a bar, caught her eye across the smoky room and all that. She was all primped and preened, so I bought her a beer. The next three days were a blur of coke, booze and birdseed. That last morning, as I fixed her breakfast, I caught her roosting by the window. I could tell that our time together was ending, so I asked her if maybe we could meet at a park bench again

2005-12-01T23:23:00.000-08:00

I was running papers around campus today and as I was getting into an elevator I overheard this snippet of conversation:"..sat down but there was this dent and they started to slide in..."As the doors closed I noticed that this conversation was made by two rather spectacularly obese women. I gotta admit, my imagination filled in the blanks and I spent most of the elevator ride laughing to myself.

2005-11-27T18:04:00.000-08:00

Q: What kind of loser doesn't update his blog in nearly a month?A: Travis!Q: Seriously, you should update you jerk.A: That's not a question!Q: That's not funny.A: That's not a question either!Q: Fuck you!A: STILL NOT A QUESTION!

2005-10-31T22:14:00.000-08:00

2 fun facts for the day!1: The word "finagle" comes from spanish missions in the west. The finagle used to be the standard unit of measurement. It was a large, rectangular box that you bought your grains, provisions etc in units of. Think like buying barrels of oil, you buy per barrell yadda yadda. So if you were a' travelin' you'd come to a mission and need to restock, so you'd buy a couple of

2005-10-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

2 Things that rock:Colombus day.The new Wallace and Gromit movie. Like, seriously, just AWESOME. I should warn you, however, that since it's a kid's movie there will be a bunch of noisy kids and an utterly lame "short" based off of the even crappier movie Madagascar. Show up like 30 min late and you'll get there just before the movie.

2005-10-07T09:28:00.000-07:00

So last night blew. Stick with me here, the sucktitude will take a while.I was watching season 2 of 24 on DVD at home alone. I was on the last 30 minutes of the last episode of the season. EVERYTHING hinged on these last moments. I have a theaory about how the sniper will actually be an alien, who will give J-Bau (that's how we refer to Jack Bauer on 'tha street') all the information he needs.

2005-10-06T10:50:00.000-07:00

WTF? I just reviewed der blog after this update, check out the 8/14/05 post comments.SOMEONE COMMENTED WITH SPAM! What the freaking crap?! They're spamming BLOG COMMENTS NOW?! How evil IS that? The terrorists have won!

2005-10-06T10:48:00.000-07:00

Tea humor:What do eskimos use to make Earl Grey tea?Oil of BRRRgamot!LOL OMFG I'M SO BRILLIANT!

2005-09-28T22:22:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'd like to bitch a bit, if you don't mind.Not only have I transferred to an easier major (EE->Psych is like skipping back 3 school grades) but I've also transferred from a hardcore school to a, well, shitty one. I really, really like psych, and that helps a whole lot, but I'm sick of morons monopolizing like half the class with dumb questions because they thought they'd take up psych after

2005-09-26T21:34:00.000-07:00

Sooo, we got a request from some property owner to do a reference for two students who had applied to live in this wondrous non-dorm domicile.Now, I dunno about you guys, but whenever I have to fill out a reference for something, I try to at least make sure it's a good reference. I mean, 90% of the time I can't remember the address for my closest compatriots, but I at LEAST come up with the name

2005-09-24T00:45:00.000-07:00

Damn, and I was gonna try to update before a month passed by. Oh well, I'm sure you're used to me dissapointing the two of you by now.So yeah, it's been a month. Um, Gabby visited and left again. It was fun, I bought too much chocolate and she discovered that Pocky is "F**king addictive!MUNCH MUNCH."Uhh, aside from that I've been working, filing, pulling my finernails out with at staple remover.

2005-08-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

I told you Elements suck.

2005-08-14T16:27:00.000-07:00

*ahem* sorry for the, uh, having a life. It happens sometimes, I'll try not to do it again.So on Wednesday I observed something. Something....well it was something. All the cash registers at the on-campus food court are made by the same company. POS Technology co. Yes, all the cash registers in the food court are quite literally POS'es. They're even labelled as such prominently. No breakdown of

2005-08-02T19:42:00.000-07:00

The other night I was reading, playing games and whatnot, when Zero made this noise.Lemme be more specific, she made this horrid, painful sort of "DIE MUTHAFUCKA" sorta noise, it was really loud. This is a fightin' sort of ruckus, except like REALLY loud, and went on for a while. By the time I found a flashlight and got out there, Zero was sitting by the window, looking a tad disheveled. But on

2005-07-05T21:49:00.000-07:00

So about a year ago (geez, has it been that long?!) I managed to run my car aground. Aground here is code for "A Nissan Pathfinder." The forward passenger side of my car was pretty banged up, luckily it was all body panel damage and left the car in fine working condition. My rearview mirror, however, was instantly discombobulated, vaporised and is being inhaled by people in Texas as we speak. I

2005-06-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

If you didn't know, I'm back from Indiana. No, I did not die on the flight. Nor was I locked up in the basement, fattened then slaughtered for use in a backyard barbecue. They're actually quite nice out there, though I hear Gary IN is the murder capital of the megaverse.So the point is, I'm back at school. Der schedule blows, I'm stuck in dull classes for 10 hrs T & Th, which means I have to work

2005-06-15T20:51:00.000-07:00

Further adventures in Indy-anna.Ever heard of Whitecastle? Yeah, they're some fancy eastern fast-food chain that has a frozen food brand, a stoner road-trip movie about them and no franchises in California as far as I know. They also have the scariest meat known to man. I bought some today, after everyone asked me "You want to eat at WHITECASTLE?" and wishing my digestive track good luck. So I

2005-06-14T20:33:00.000-07:00

So I'm visiting a friend in, uh, Indiana. ANYWAY. We were playing the Sims 2 today (I don't have it, and have always been curious as to how it works). To demonstrate, mon amie started a new family. One was a normal chick, the other was, well, her nose was a giant prosthetic beak. So they move into their new home, all atwitter with excitement at their new lives in Pleasantville. They're admiring

2005-06-08T18:05:00.000-07:00

So here's the dilly-oh with the T-hilly-oh.I'm visiting a friend near Chicago over summer break. Her friend is a large Lighthouse fan (well, she's actually pretty slender, but you know what I mean) so they wanna go to a concert on monday. Aside from being milquetoast pseudo-christian soft-rock, I think they're pretty good, so I bought myself a ticket. Though before thinking I had it sent to home

2005-06-03T17:06:00.000-07:00

I have been burned BY CHEESE!

2005-06-01T23:52:00.000-07:00

So we had to do this big 'ol research project/paper/presentation for my dumb social psychology class. the teacher is incredibly lame, but we have to jump throuhg her hoops, so here goes. My group's subject is HONESTY, and we collected all these surveys checking people's attitudes and willingess to lie. After we took all the surveys, one of us noted this little addendum on the back of the syllabus

2005-05-14T12:23:00.000-07:00

The President's reign of terror over livestock continues.Warning, the "recording" of Mrs. Bush at the end made Jon Stewart's eye burn. A pidgeon was looking in through the window as I watched it and it's head asploded. Just warning you.

2005-05-14T11:04:00.000-07:00

You learn something new every day! Like the sociology of the zombie.OMG! How did they know that in case of Zombie outbreak, I will be a total badass and my brother will get his lame ass bitten? (In case you don't know, my brother's name is Greg. Which makes this a tad creepy.)

2005-05-06T16:05:00.000-07:00

What kind of pirate am I? You decide!You can also view a breakdown of results or put one of these on your own page!Brought to you by Rum and Monkey

2005-04-22T22:49:00.000-07:00

A WOLPHIN? (read towards the end)Yeah, it's a wolphin.

2005-04-20T19:15:00.000-07:00

So's I'm just minding my own business, eating pasta (with tasty sauce,by the way, yummeh!) And I had to sneeze/cough in the middle of the bite. You know, one of those things where your respiratory tract is just like "WHOAH, LETS FREAK THE HELL OUT!!1!"Then leaves you spasming for the next minute. Luckily I managed to not spew my food out all over the monitor, but I....well, I dislodged a booger.

2005-04-12T21:47:00.000-07:00

WTF, Hitachi?Seriously, W T F?What were you on? Cuz you should probably stay on it.

2005-04-11T22:39:00.000-07:00

Poor Zero.Whatever weather is required to foster a lot of static electricity, it has descended upon the greater LA area for the last week or two. Now, usually this is a good thing, as I torture all my friends and family. But now whenever I pet Zero, I pick up a huge charge almost instantly. This means that when I try to scratch her head, I am constantly zapping her ears or nose. She's noticeably

2005-04-08T21:15:00.000-07:00

Personally, I would like to be the first to welcome our new robotic overlords.Also, apparently the TSA will soon be fondling less women and senior citizens in the future. At least I hope so. I really hope so.Also also. Despite the fact that they don't worship the devil, I'm really enjoying Kasabian's CD. I'd heartily recommend you get it, they're quite nifty. But their CD has that lame copy

2005-03-31T14:44:00.000-08:00

FREAKING DAMMIT!Will cool people freaking stop dying?!

2005-03-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

So last night I hopped into bed. I'd been in there a minute and was just getting comfy when I remembered that I should turn off the bedstand light before really getting to sleep. So I rolled over to turn the lamp off, except by that time it was 6 am.Apparently I slept well (though if you ask me I was abducted by aliens).

2005-03-16T19:52:00.000-08:00

So apparently the new "it" thing among aspiting hip-hop artistes is to do all your business in free-form. You know, in case the guy you're calling happens to own a recording label.Here's how a call went today at work (Identities have been changed to protect the silly):Sven: Housing, this is Sven.Not me: Yo, how you doin' brother?Sven: Just peachy, how can I help you?Not me: Check it, I was

2005-03-10T20:04:00.000-08:00

Not to self: Lurk at Craislist more often.

2005-02-28T22:31:00.000-08:00

DAMNATION! Some stupid punk went and offed Zdzislaw Beksinski. Feaking hell!In tribute, I think I shall pour a 40' onto the curb. But I shall pour it off a colossal, inscrutable monolith festooned with the skeletons of a twisted, antideluvian race.

2005-02-23T21:52:00.000-08:00

Wow, Friday was easily the worst storm I've ever had to drive through. The rain was so bad I couldn't see more than 4 dots ahead of me on the road. I hydroplaned like 5 times within a single hour (and I was driving carefully too) If it wasn't for the protective power of METAL, I don't know if I would have been able to make it okay. Thank you, early Static-X and thank you, White Zombie for seeing

2005-02-11T15:25:00.000-08:00

I've decided to become militantly agnostic, so there.

2005-02-08T17:51:00.000-08:00

Man sometimes being introverted is no fun at all. Those are the times when you gotta bust out of that shell and go do something fun! Or stay inside and play World of Warcraft for a couple hours. Amen brother.

2005-02-07T17:49:00.000-08:00

Well, It's not exactly the next day. And it's not exactly an arm. BUT, I did kinda even out all that awesomeness. Sunday, my tire went flat for no good reason. Well, I guess a shard of glass is a good reason, but still. Luckily, I'm a lazy ass and didn't fix it right then. It turns out slices due to glass aren't repairable. If I had actually gone to all the trouble of visiting a shop and yadda

2005-02-01T19:17:00.000-08:00

Within the last 24 hours I have: -Beaten Half-Life 2 (AWESOME!) -Finished Quicksilver and started The Confusion -Gotten a job -Gotten the top score on my first Psych midterm -Totally made this dude's head explode with the power of my mind alone! Yeah, today was a good day. I bet I'm gonna lose a limb or something tomorrow, just to even things out.

2005-01-15T21:05:00.000-08:00

Having intarweb only between classes blows. So I should probably appraise both of you on the current situation. I'm now finishing up getting settled over in LA. The Basics: Psych Major at CSU LA, which is a crappy school, but one of the few enrolling for this semester (I heard UCLA and a couple schools opened up at like the last second, but I never heard of it. Which sucks because that's where

2005-01-09T15:52:00.000-08:00

GAH! Okay, now that things are finally in a state worth talking about, I'm uber-busy getting settled and have no internet access till the 18th. Maybe I'll find time at the library. I'll get back soonish, I swear!

2004-12-24T23:07:00.000-08:00

This year, I found my Christmas Spirit (tm) watching Blade Trinity on Christmas eve. Yeah, I really should update, seeing as how I've been, like, doing stuff. Maybe next week, there might be some semblance of stability by then.

2004-12-14T22:43:00.000-08:00

Leigh ate Zero's head. Then he killed Matt in the face. And forgot to tell him about it. How rude.

2004-12-09T19:27:00.000-08:00

Wow, what kinda loser doesn't update for like two weeks? Man, that guy must be a total asshat.

2004-11-25T14:02:00.000-08:00

This thanksgiving, we should all recenter ouselves and focus on what's really important in life. Like GETTING PAYBACK ON THAT SONOVABITCH TURKEY WHAT TOOK MY MIRROR! To this end, I've tracked down that turkey's cousin (on its mother's side) and we're having it for dinner. How do you like that, you feathered bastard?!

2004-11-21T01:26:00.000-08:00

OOOOmigod, cats are so damn crazy. So I'm sitting here at my computer when all of a sudden I hear this really loud rustling, like REALLY LOUD. This rustiling is also moving at like 50000 miles an hour, in and out of my room before I can even get a good look at what it is. Turns out Leigh's cat Ronin was apparenly screwing around with a plastic grocery bag and got it around his neck. It's not

2004-11-15T01:56:00.000-08:00

The world became a poorer place recently Sorry to be such a bummer, but I've got to get this off my chest. I was only lucky enough to know Abe for about a year when we staffed a training camp together. But of the 4 years I spent working that place, Abe was one of the guys there I remember most fondly. He's one of the few people I've met who earned my Respect almost instantly (and that's capital

2004-11-14T11:57:00.000-08:00

Er, um, can I plead technical difficulties?

2004-11-06T22:07:00.000-08:00

You may not refer to my cat as "Zero" anymore. I realized how silly it is. No, from now on you must pay her the proper respect and refer to her as "Sir Zero." For I have knighted her. Hmm, I should probably write the queen to make sure all the vestements, heraldry and haberdashery get sent over in proper order. I wonder if i'll get to be her squire; I've always wanted one of those nifty horn

2004-10-23T19:48:00.000-07:00

Well, as long as we're talking about stuff that will scar your children horribly. I'd like to ruin your memories of arguably the best anime series ever. ...As I type this I'm repeatedly, involunarily hitting the delete key instead of the spacebar. My hands are aware of the evil I am unleashing, and they want no part of it.

2004-10-20T10:24:00.000-07:00

I was driving to school today, and I hit a turkey. Yeah, a goddamn TURKEY! I've never even seen a turkey in this town, and today a flock of like 30 of them tries to cross the road in front of me. They even knew not to cross the road in front of the guy in front of me, then dash out once I try to go by. I almost avoided them, but one managed to catch the right front side. Luckily, there is no

2004-10-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

PROTECT THE EQUAL RIGHTS OF THE MAJESTIC OSTRICH!

2004-10-03T11:19:00.000-07:00

Driving around yesterday, I saw a car, driven by your generic vacuous hoslut. As an aside, apparently the official haircut of the hoslut is the dye mullet. You know, blonde on top, brunette on the bottom (party in the front, business in the back!), ugly either way you look at it. So anyway, the important thing about this particualr hoslut was her car. Well, not really, it was just the generic "

2004-09-24T01:13:00.000-07:00

So my Grandpa used to have this tattoo on his forearm. It was this big black mass, but he was always too wrinkled to make out just what it was a tattoo of. I found out today that it depicted a Tyrannosaurus Rex fighting a snake (I think) fighting a panther. He woke up with it one morning in the navy and had no idea where it came from, though one would assume it came from a tattoo parlor. Did I

2004-09-16T11:44:00.000-07:00

We'll miss you Grandpa. (note: My Grandpa was not Johnny Ramone, but he was at least as hardcore) ...On an entirely different note. I e-mailed myself a homework assignment from my hotmail account to my hotmail account on Tuesday. Today is Thursday, and guess what finally showed up?

2004-09-13T11:10:00.000-07:00

I love people who STILL can't turn on a computer. I mean, isn't that a prerequisite for being allowed to leave your house by now? It should be. I think I will organize a posse; we will go door to door with an old computer and quiz the residents on how to turn the damn thing on. If they cannot push the button, flip the switch or otherwise manipulate the only goddamn thing on the front of the

2004-09-01T22:00:00.000-07:00

So, uh, you probably want an update or something don't you? Ummm, lemme think. The only job available at school to the general populous is currently cleaning out the toilets. I think I'm going to mention this to people as much as possible, I like to see them weigh the balance of the decision. Also, Zero got big all of a sudden, like last week or something when she was hiding behind the couch.

2004-08-26T22:40:00.000-07:00

oh yeah, an update. Lemme get back to you on that.

2004-08-18T21:56:00.000-07:00

So Leigh an' I were sharing a philosophical discussion on quantum entanglement, Existentialist Utilitarianism in modern America and whether the Predator or the Alien was more badass over Leigh's fancy little chicken dinner. Did I tell you about his chicken dinner? He's been on a Bon Apetit magazine binge and tonight made some fancy sesame/honey/catsup/tasty sauce for poultry and postickers. It

2004-08-07T12:50:00.000-07:00

The Place: The middle of nowhere, Central CA The Time: 3 in the frickin morning Owl: OwlOwlOwlOwlOwlOwl In the Middle of the Rooooooad! Coo Me: Woohah! Do I love coffee! LOOK, IT'S ANOTHER ROADSIGN, WOO! Owl: OwlOwlOw...WTF IS THAT?! Bright, Jigga! Me: CoffeeCoffeeCoff... WTF is that? OWL?! Owl: @(%&! I'm outta here you cracka-ass cracka! *flies away* Me: *Screams like a little girl* SWERVE!

2004-08-05T23:35:00.000-07:00

Look, you don't want a cat-blog, trust me. We just all have to hold on until this "OMFG, Zero just __________ not two minutes ago SQUEEEE!" phase passes. Go do something. I dunno, pick your nose, commit securities fraud, find a cure for cancer; yeah, those all need doing.

2004-07-28T12:34:00.000-07:00

There is a simple cure for the problems with today's children

2004-07-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

Today, when I went downstairs to make some cereal, the room smelled a tad... different. A tad like pooh. So I looked at the couch, and apparently Zero had left me a little "gift". On a magazine. Directly on Michael Moore's face! Apparently she's a republican, I wasn't aware they recruited cats.

2004-07-17T00:15:00.000-07:00

Meet Zero She is awesome. As is her collar: Thanks to the Alger's for letting me use their digicam. Hope their drive goes well. Also, the kitten spent this morning licking my nose as if it were candy. Which is better than the morning where she tried to paw my eyeball at 5 am, now that I think about it.

2004-07-02T15:30:00.000-07:00

VADER: You cannot be a good driver forever, Travis. Travis: I will not tailgate you. VADER: Give yourself to the dark side. It is the only way you can save your friends 20 minutes on their commute. Yes, your thoughts betray you. Your feelings for them are strong. Especially for... Vader stops and senses something. Travis shuts his eyes tightly, in anguish. VADER: Sister! So...you have a little

2004-06-30T12:09:00.000-07:00

Soooo, guess what's the highest grossing documentary EVAR now? No, wait, it's not Fahrenheit 9/11. Yeah, it's not. It's JACKASS! (Sorry for the blatant partisanship on that link, I THINK he's being satirical) Depending on who you ask, Jackass is also the more truthful documentary. I mean, who's gonna lie about shoving toys up there asses or snorting wasabi. That reminds me, I need to try that

2004-06-24T12:36:00.000-07:00

Okay, so we have this student semi-interning with us. She's not all that, um, intelligent or, um, interesting; but she's our bridge student, so we love her. So she comes in today wearing a "I <3 Nerds" shirt. My co-worker says "OMG, I <3 That shirt!!11!! I have a sticker JUST LIKE IT." NERD, it says. Now, I DO like my co-worker, but those two just the other day had a conversation about how they

2004-06-24T11:04:00.000-07:00

I've decided that alarm clocks only inspire belligerence and sloth. I woke up this morning a good 10 minutes before the alarm and was just sort of stewing around in bed. I got up to check the clock: 9 minutes early. I was all awake and whatnot; sitting there, thinking and planning my day. I debated just getting up and starting the day. You know, being all proactive and cheery, probably drinking

2004-06-21T09:50:00.000-07:00

I had the hugest eye booger in my left eye this morning! I was trying to check out the time, and I couldn't get my frickin left eye to open or close properly, the damn thing was obstructing my eyelids! So in my groggy haze I removed it, and when I saw the size of the thing I had to think back and check whether I'd accidentally gotten it out of my nose. Nope, it was just a gigantic eye booger. I

2004-06-14T15:13:00.000-07:00

BUSH DOES IT AGAIN! Okay, apparently the illustrious Pres. said this during the Reagen carnival: (registration required, so I dunno where exactly it is) "And he believed in taking a break now and then, because, as we said, there's nothing better for the inside of a man than the outside of a horse." I dunno exactly what the hell that's supposed to mean, but I'm pretty sure it's illegal,

2004-06-12T11:48:00.000-07:00

I order to bolster the "Travis dies if he doesn't eat food" fund I helped a couple empty out their attic this morning. We moved down a lot of crap, like old tax statements, speakers, his first wife in several plastic trash bags, furniture and a 6 foot salmon net (no joke, he bought it for his wife a while back as a christmas present). There were also a load of oceanography books, and he said he

2004-06-08T12:44:00.000-07:00

What happens when a dirty hippievegan goes on a fast food binge. Very funny, it earns my greasy, clogged-artery seal of approval. Moore could learn a thing or twelve. And just for the sake of balance: What happens when someone without a movie deal eats McMeatpusher's for a month. Suprizingly, they didn't die.

2004-06-02T00:02:00.000-07:00

George Bush eats donkey goobers. Lady Liberty does the nasty And as usual Mr. T kicks a whole lot of ass. (I'm not joking about that Lady Liberty bit either) ED: HOLY CRAP, like if you have any morals or taste whatsoever, just don't play this game. I mean, I thought the statue of Liberty being ravaged by a gigantic death robot was bad enough, but they were just getting warmed up!

2004-05-27T14:49:00.000-07:00

Why couldn't Bush think of this? Since it is clear that we cannot leave until they stop killing us, and equally clear that they will not stop killing us until we leave, I propose the following exit strategy: 1) Kill all the ones who are trying to kill us, in such a way that none of those who presently do not want to kill us suddenly start wanting to kill us. 2) At the moment of the

2004-05-25T17:12:00.000-07:00

CRAP, I almost forgot!

2004-05-22T15:22:00.000-07:00

Hehe, I love Christopher Hitchens. Here's a nice quote on Michael Moore (from this transcript): But speaking here in my capacity as a polished, sophisticated European as well, it seems to me the laugh here is on the polished, sophisticated Europeans. They think Americans are fat, vulgar, greedy, stupid, ambitious and ignorant and so on. And they‘ve taken as their own, as their representative

2004-05-21T18:02:00.000-07:00

Today is Mr. T's B'day Worship him or be pitied.

2004-05-18T23:47:00.000-07:00

*GASP* It's a conspiracy!

2004-05-18T21:55:00.000-07:00

wow, something of worth... on Livejournal! Craaaazy. So yeah, you should totally just read this instead of watching Troy. Well, seeing Orlando Bloom get his ass kicked for two minutes is worth 7 bucks if you ask me, but aside from that this is pretty much superior.

2004-05-14T16:41:00.000-07:00

The question came up at work today as to who "AD&D protection" were. Images of Amulets of Home Invasion +3 and LARPers camped under the stairs on guard from Orc trickery immediately came to mind. But then I decided it was kinda silly to expect a burglar to roll to see whether he smashed in your window or not and agreed that they probably just installed alarms. Also, I spent the last 30 minutes

2004-05-13T11:32:00.000-07:00

I just decided that I really want the phone number 500-1337

2004-05-12T23:20:00.000-07:00

A bit of blatant nationalism, because I feel like it. Please ignore the obvious bias, just read the bits about Capt. Chontosh. I think I lost teh funny under my bed.

2004-05-11T00:22:00.000-07:00

I don't have anything in mind right now that is properly "teh funny." So while my funnybone gets it's shit in order, why don't you check out an artist who made me think of Shane once. Turns out he's actually a Poly grad. I met him drunk (him, not me thank you very much) and would have bought something if any of it had been cheaper than my entire monthly budget for food.

2004-04-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

SKELETOR RULEZ! (for real even!)